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Of Mice and Teapots [Hatter]
There were a few things wrong with this picture. One – She was living with the Mad Hatter. Two – She was cleaning his house for him. Three – All the tea pots were now color coordinated and arranged by sizes. Four – Everything was dust free, including dust kitty free… And of course five – SHE WAS LIVING WITH THE MAD HATTER?! What the hell was she thinking? He was MAD, Insane!

And yet… He was handsome, and polite..and INSANE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?

Alice was finished, for today, re-labeling the tea to the proper names would come tomorrow. For now she was resting in the living room, her shoes off and by the door, her hair completely down and ribbon stowed away in her apron. A book was in her lap and she was reading. She’d never seen this book before. It was kind of amusing finding a book LIKE this on Hatter’s shelves. It was a ROMANCE Novel. And one from one of her favorite writers, but she’d never seen it before.. Maybe Wonderland got different books?

No matter. She had a glass of wine beside her, wine! She was an adult. But why did they call it wine when it never whined about being drank? Silly names.

Tags: mad hatter, alice

From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/16/2007 22:03:18  

The Hatter had, by mere chance, fallen upon the postmaster on his journey home. People just seemed to have a way of appearing in front of him when he wasn't watching the road. Which was a silly thing to be doing, watching the road. The road was the road - it was his way that Hatter was more concerned over. After losing it once already, he was determined not to do so again.

Hatter was nearly as surprised to fall upon the postmaster as the postmaster was to have Hatter fall upon him. The horse was most confused of all, not understanding how the thin, lanky man had fallen quite so high as to knock the man off of his back. This was of little consequence to Hatter - particularly once the postmaster had passed over a few envelopes. The name written upon them was one the Hatter hadn't heard, spoken, nor read in a very long time. With a shriek, he dropped the notes upon the ground and ran away.

Away, away, though carefully keeping his eyes resolutely upon his way, he tore into his modest house and threw himself under the sofa, with no regard to who was in the room. In truth, he hardly remembered that Alice was staying with him.

But under the safety of the sofa, Hatter found cause to shriek again. "WHERE ARE THE DUST KITTIES???" he screamed, with great horror, and expelled himself from the frighteningly clean space, backing against the far wall.

From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/16/2007 22:57:57  

"Dust kitties?" Alice said, but didn't look up from her book. "Oh, you mean the funny dust balls under the couch. I swept them out, put them in the bin." Alice flipped the page, turning to a much more saucy bit which caused her cheeks to pinken instantly.

"I ah.. cleaned a bit. You know, in payment for me staying here." She still didn't glance up. Her eyes were glued to the page.

Enormous. Throbbing. Alice nearly crooned. Such a good book.
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/17/2007 09:33:05  

Hatter stared. He stopped blinking, even.

"You... you... you THREW THEM AWAY? That was a PRIZE COLLECTION!" Or it would have been, if there were such awards. He tugged at the brim of his hat with both hands, clutching it in desperation. A whimper came from his throat. "Which way did the brooms go?"

He ran at her, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Which way?? I have to find them!" Then he blinked. "What are you drinking?!"

That was... that was... that was his unbirthday wine!
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/17/2007 11:12:12  

"Um. I put the brooms in the closet in the hall. The dust is in the bin." Alice sat there, her nose still half way in the book, but the more he touched her, the more it bothered her. She lowered the book, looking up at him. Her cheeks rosy from wine and romance novel drivel.

"I...found the wine while I was cleaning your tea pots... it was way in the back and covered in dust." Alice sat there, eyes wide now. "D-did I d-do something wrong?"

He looked absolutely ready to keel over or kill someone... uh oh.
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/17/2007 23:18:04  

"No, no, no! The brooms! The ones being led by the mouse with the hat! Which way did they---"

He stopped. Something else had happened. Some words she had said.

"found the wine while I was cleaning your tea pots... it was way in the back"
"while I was cleaning your tea pots"
"cleaning your tea pots"

Cleaning the TEA POTS?!?!?

Hatter shrieked and let go of Alice, running to the kitchen. There was a crash, a shriek, a thud, and then the sound of weeping.

And then, the doorbell rang.
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/18/2007 14:02:31  

...Alice continued to drink down her wine, until the doorbell rang. The Hatter was a very strange man indeed. She finally closed the book (after saving the page with a leaf), and set the book aside. Her cheeks were so rosy they might shame the flowers themselves. With a few big steps she stopped by the kitchen..

....Was he crying? Alice's face softened, concern etched in her features, but then the doorbell rang again. Alice frowned even more, hurried to the door and opened it.

From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/19/2007 22:35:28  

The postmaster swept off his cap at the sight of the young woman opening the door. "Sorry, miss. I was just trying to deliver the post for Mr. Theophilus, but there doesn't seem to be a postbox outside."

There was another bang from within the kitchen, and a cry of "Clean cup! I need a clean cup!!!"

The postmaster looked startled. "Is everything alright, miss?"
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/19/2007 22:54:25  

"Mr. Who?" Alice perked up a little bit. Oh wait.. The Hatter.. The hatter had a name?! "Oh.. You must mean. Yes. Of course. Everything is fine.. it?" She peeked down at the letters.

"Well thank you. Why do they call you Postmen, if you don't wear posts? Are you made of posts?" Alice inquired in a curious voice as she accepted the mail from him.

"CLEAN CUPS IN THE THIRD CUPBOARD REGINALD!" She grinned. "Thank you!" And SLAM. She wandered back in. "Reginald.. Theophilus..?" ..He had a very Elegant name for a ..Hatter.
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/19/2007 23:10:44  

"The Third!" came back a shout, and then the Hatter shuddered. He opened the third cupboard and saw.. "Why is there a rainbow in my cupboard?"

The color-coded teacups were confusing his eyes. Hatter needed chaos in order to make sense of it. "They were arranged seasonally!"
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/19/2007 23:13:06  

"There were three people with this name?...There isn't another Alice in the whole of my family." Alice wandered into the kitchen. "You've got mail." She set the letters down.

"Why didn't you tell me your name was Reginald?"
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/19/2007 23:33:08  

"Because you never asked. And there neither IS nor WAS someone else with my name," he said, shutting his eyes and reaching into the cabinet for a mug. Just the shape of one was fine. Soon as he had it, he closed the door. "Who else would name someone Reginald L. Theophilus III?"

He flinched back from the letters. "Get them away-getthemaway!" He waved his hands at them, like waving away an insect, drawing his hands to his chest and swatting.
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/19/2007 23:35:31  

"No, what I meant, is there are Three Reginald L. Theophilus'. Not that there are three Thirds.. And why don't you want your mail. It's got YOUR name on them. What could be wrong with that?" Alice hopped up onto the counter, and sat, crossing her legs. She wasn't wearing any shoes at all. Which was different... for Hatter, she supposed.

"So. I was wondering. Where am I suppose to sleep? On the couch?"
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/19/2007 23:49:46  

"No, you don't understand. My name is Reginald L. Theophilus the Third. What could be simpler than that? Why do you have to make it all weird and crazy saying there has to be three?"

He turned toward her from the kettle, and squeaked. "Feet! Feet! On the counter! No! No! Bad feet!"
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/19/2007 23:55:00  

"I'm washed. I swear. And I have cute feet to boot. Calm down." She hopped down.

"Why are you so CRAZY? Why can't anything just BE ALRIGHT WITH YOU?" Alice huffed and drew herself closer to him. "Are you afraid of me?"
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/20/2007 10:55:54  

"YES!" Hatter stepped forward to meet her. "YES, I AM!"

He threw up his hands in frustration. "NOTHING has been right since a little GIRL sat down at my tea party! Just came and left without so much as a by-your-leave! And I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!" He grabbed Alice by the shoulders, not gripping enough to hurt, but holding tightly and shouting. "Then she COMES BACK! And she's not a GIRL! She's a WOMAN! She murders tea, she breaks my teacups, she RUINS my fragile state of mind! AND I LET HER STAY!"

His eyes were wild. "WHY? You RUINED my tea cups! You MURDERED my dust kitties! You DRANK my unbirthday wine! And you SPILLED poor defenseless TEA! So WHY are you still here? WHY would I throw myself in front of the door if you tried to leave?"

Now he pulled her closer. "DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?!"
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/20/2007 11:45:14  

Alice instantly froze. He was close again, and yelling and none of it made any sense. Why would he ask her to stay? Why would he keep her from leaving? Why did he put up with her, she was acting like a.. But HE started it!

"YOU. You started this nonsense! If you hadn't insisted I couldn't be at the tea party I wouldn't have left without YOUR leave! And I was ONLY rude and did those things because YOU made me! Do you realize how mean you were to me when I was younger, even when I just showed up? Yelling at me? Telling me I couldn't have any tea?" Alice was livid now.

"And to think I spent half my life looking for Wonderland, I finally get here and I have to run back into YOU." She beat her fists against his chest.

"You're rude, and mean, and OLD."
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/20/2007 17:05:23  

"But YOU sat down without being invited! That's RUDE! It's like... like... crashing a wedding! Or... putting egg in someone's tea!" He crossed his arms, jutting out his chest. "And I never raised my voice. YOU should learn to--"

She was pounding on his chest and calling him old. OLD?! Hatter gasped from the blows do his ribs and tried to catch her hands. "I'm not old!" he said. "It's MERCURY POISONING!"

What was she talking about!? He hadn't aged a day! Meanwhile, SHE had gone and grown up! What was THAT?
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/20/2007 19:55:09  

"Every 365 UN Birthdays equals ONE YEAR OF YOUR LIFE GONE!" Alice hissed out, pounding her fists one or two more times before he caught her wrists and held her at bay.

"Mercury Poisoning is NO excuse for how absolutely rude you've been to be. You're incorrigible!" Alice fought against his hands, but to little avail, she really wasn't that strong.

"You're mean and TEA OBSESSED! Well geuss what. I LIKE COFFEE!"
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/21/2007 10:38:10  

"And YOU are ill-tempered, RUDE, spoiled, and BEAUTIFUL! So THERE!"

Hatter was straining to hold her wrists. He wasn't very strong himself, but between anger and madness, he currently had the upper hand. "Coffee is a MISERABLE drink that doesn't appreciate being drunk! DRINK it, if you want to be so PLAIN! But it'll stunt your growth."

He was already forgetting why he had been yelling. Who had started the argument? Did he want to win? He didn't want her to go... if he released her hands was she going to leave? Or would she try and hit him again? Neither was any good, so Hatter held on.
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/21/2007 14:33:06  

"ISNT THAT WHAT YOU WANT? ME TO BE SHORTER? YOU'RE A CUR!" Alice yelled right back at him. It took a few moments to get what he said, but when she did she was seething with anger, why was she angry again? She couldn't rememebr but she was angry and it had to be at him!

Alice stopped fighting against his wrists, she gasped for air from yelling so much, seething with anger, it wasn't like the normally curious young woman.

"I.." And then she processed. Beautiful.

Beautiful? BEAUTIFUL?

"..You think I'm beautiful?"
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/21/2007 14:54:17  

The Mad Hatter, also known as Reginald l. Theophilus III, paused. "Yessssss," he said, slowly. "Utterly beautiful. Heart-stoppingly. I can't look away, but if I look too long I think I'll go blind."

She wasn't struggling anymore. Carefully, he eased off the grip on her wrists. "Like the first light of spring, still clinging to winter's edge."

He wanted to let go, but at the same time, he didn't. So Reggie gnawed at his lip, nervous. "Are you going to hit me again?"
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/21/2007 15:11:56  

Soft, whisper soft. "No..I won't hit you..again." Alice was stunned. He thought she was beautiful? No one ever said that. No one ever had. Why now, why Him..

...He was incorrigible.. He was... mad. Insane.. he was. Alice leaned forward.

..He was so warm.

Gently she set her head against his chest.

"I'm tired. Fighting didn't help.."
From: [info]as_a_hatter Date: 09/26/2007 15:00:30  


She was... laying. Against his chest.

Ooooookaaaayyyyy...... Now what?

Hatter, being Hatter, panicked.

"THe um... the teapots.... they're out of... order..." He almost whimpered. That was probably not the thing to say, but what was the right thing? His heart was beating, hard. But he hesitantly, awkwardly, put his hands across her shoulders. The embrace was hardly romantic, but Reginald was trying his best.
From: [info]sea_of_tears Date: 09/26/2007 15:57:27  

Alice relaxed there, for a nice long moment, before his words registered in her pretty little head.

.......The teapots were out of order. They were not out of order. She color coded them! He.. He just. No appreciation. Alice yanked herself back huffed and left the kitchen comepletely. She mumbled to herself.

"I'll put something out-of-order next time." Went back to the couch, curled up and picked up the novel she'd been reading.

He was beyond incorrigible. He was downright stupid. She hoped he choked on a scone.

Community: [info]pentamerone
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